I might start doing these again


Lana Del Rey

carrying a prop copy of a minor Nabokov, Joseph Szabo photos, thinking it’s hot when a guy has a shitty phone, sourcing 90’s Bongo jeans on Etsy, recognizing Stranger Than Paradise from Tumblr .gifs, recommending Big L when anyone mentions Biggie, calling your dad “daddy”, wearing a veil, Reebok uptowns, asking someone to photograph you eating fast food, Egyptian Magic, describing your fashion sense as “Catholic baby”, young Elvis, wanting to name your kids Valentine, Faustine, and Vince (“but for a girl”), trying to re-activate your AOL email address, conspicuous Popsicle consumption, the red dress from Paris, Texas, covering an old tattoo of a bow with a new tattoo of the Virgin Mary


leggings as pants, Silly Bandz, “sort-of dating” a DJ, listening to songs on YouTube instead of buying them, expensive fake athletic clothes by Alexander Wang, MISSHA makeup, dancing with your eyes closed, mochi icecream, Sony Dreamcast, making a .gif of yourself for Tumblr, wearing a t-shirt with the Unknown Pleasures design without knowing where it’s from, www.lookbook.nu, preferring Ciara to Beyoncé, Cheap Monday, straight girls with queer haircuts

Tegan and Sara

wanting tattoos of children’s book illustrations, describing yourself as “liberal” in your Facebook “About me”, armwarmers, preferring ElleGirl to TeenVogue, rainbow socks with separated toes, thinking pirates/zombies/unicorns make any reference funnier, the statement “books are sexy”, Holga fetishism, having a favorite hoodie, PostSecret, Found Magazine, drawing graffiti on ads to “expose” how they reinforce negative body image/stereotypes about women, AIM screen names that start with _xX, white girls covering rap songs on ukulele, vegan burritos, using an old Emily the Strange chain wallet, alternative prom, being really proud of having a single dredlock on accident, hating that Emma Watson was cast in The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Sufjan Stevens

Advent wreaths, Gus van Sant’s taste in boys, milk glass, asking to be excused from the table, getting sad about Karen Carpenter, Schoolhouse Rock, loving someone too much to be in a romantic relationship with them, knit ties, thinking Napoleon Dynamite was “a mean movie” but not knowing how to explain why, the old Girl Scouts logo, kissing someone in a cedar attic, re-reading Bridge to Terebethia every summer, towns with Elm Streets, still feeling guilty for accidentally breaking something when you were 6


painting a graphically nude self-portrait in high school art class, getting mad that people always misrepresent Marilyn Monroe ‘cause she was actually really complicated and fucked up, floral-print thermal shirts from the kids section of the Salvation Army, Tank Girl on VHS, bartering for a tattoo, cutting your bangs too short, SlutWalk, artwork that involves blood, flirting that involves spitting, trolldoll jewelry, talking about “corrupting” a guy, Ellen Von Unworth, early Ariel Schrag comics, being passed out in your profile picture


cheesy “ironic” fake nails, www.dump.fm, lecturing people about keffiyeh symbolism, having multiple Facebook accounts under weird names, Walter Van Beirendonck, gun-shaped jewelry, coconut oil, coconut water, going as SLA-era Patti Hearst for Halloween, neon fish tank accessories as home decor, trying to befriend your super’s kids, kente-cloth TOMs, ハウス, describing your YouTube videos as art, thinking you could probably beat up a guy, Googling “borgeoisie sp?”

Depeche Mode

studying German in high school, young Tom Ford, Tom of Finland, dressing like the male characters on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, neon light trails in a fast car at night, warehouse parties, Diesel cologne, defending Madonna’s “Ray of Light” phase, A|X Armani Exchange, moderating a Brandon Lee fansite, Vaseline, wishing participants in your local Rocky Horror Picture Show were as hot as the movie cast

Tyler the Creator

Terry Richardson, Opening Ceremony collaborations, 4chan, never having used a non-digital camera, friends & family discount at Supreme, being able to name more than ten Pokemon, Vice Magazine “before Gavin left”, skateboarding in foreign countries, watching kill-cam footage on YouTube, young Devon Aoki, ironic use of “smh”, backpacks, trying to contact Cory Arcangel, racking, having a great idea for a t-shirt, getting a Rocko’s Modern Life tattoo

the Smiths

"enigmatic" senior yearbook quotes, putting a candle in an empty wine bottle, falling in love with a fictional character, Withnail & I, taking a walk in a cemetery, leaving notes in school library books, "worshipping" your high school drama teacher, cross-dressing for attention, old teabags left in mugs, Marlene Dietrich, a bouquet of dead roses, practicing rolling cigarettes, saying subversive things to children, saying you "despise" something, Jean Genet paperbacks, automatically distrusting anyone else who claims to love the Smiths